I cannot believe I took this huge jump. Early retirement. I mean really. Wasn’t what most people would consider a smart move. It means paying for my own insurance. Which right now we can afford, so that is not a reason to not retire early. I am so relaxed. Dealing with different people involving insurance and coverage and when it is activated would normally send me off the deep end. But not this time. Also, I would be worrying constantly about money and what I am doing to us financially by not working. But you know what? For just this moment, this small time period, I am not worried. I have everything I need to live; food, roof over my head, clothes. Most important of all, peace of mind. Never in my entire life have I felt such peace. Not worried. Not scared. I just am.
This morning I woke up and during my quiet time I realized something. If I had gone back to work there was no doubt in my mind I would be let go in a short period of time, I was just not cut out for sales. I don’t care what they try to call it, “helping people”. It was upselling which is sales. So then, I would have been let go or quit because it would have sent me back to where I was when I took leave. But here is the real deal. I would not be where I am right now. Nope. I would be stressing out trying to get through the unemployment lines and websites. Which you all know is a nightmare right now with this pandemic and the millions of people who have lost their jobs and small companies.
Learning to trust that inner voice has done me wonders these past few months. Trust has never been a strong character for me. I have been filled with such self doubt I wouldn’t do anything. Take risks? No way. And yet here I am. Not working and little if any spending money, and happy as a frog on a lily pad. Tomorrow doesn’t exist for me anymore. Only this present moment; what am I doing right now. Is there anything I need to take care of? Then do it. I only have one regret, my husband can’t retire as well. He wants to work two more years (it changes every week). I have been learning to let him do what he thinks he needs to do and support him. That’s all. How simple does all this sound? I have to pinch myself to know it is me thinking and believing all this.
This pandemic hasn’t hit true to me. I know it is real. I know it is serious. But I have not been effected by its restrictions as others have. My husband is an essential worker so he goes to work every day. I don’t have anywhere I need to be so I don’t miss much. Except my weekly meet ups with friends. Zooming isn’t the same, however it is better than no contact at all. I have so much to be grateful for right now. The project I am involved with that feeds the homeless is considered an essential business. And it should be. A pandemic doesn’t stop people from needing to eat, shelter and a shower. To feel useful in the time builds self worth and inner joy you can’t get anywhere else. So, I will continue to practice these principles and continue to see where I can be of usefulness to others.
As the holiday weekend approaches, more and more people are ready to go. It must be so difficult right now with summer upon us, for kids to not be able to do the things they normally would do on summer break. Family trips will be different for some. For others who are less concerned for others well being, nothing will change. They will go do the things they normally would. But you know, that’s none of my business. Amazing that I just said that. In the past everything was my business. I thought I knew what others needed to be doing. Instead of looking at what I needed to be doing. Isn’t this exciting? You can change and continue to learn about yourself no matter how old you get! You just have to be willing and open-minded. I have set once again, another goal to get on here twice a month. Starting slow works better. Each blog will be on what is going on around us and as usual what I think about it. Other blogs will be like this, just sharing where I am personally. Maybe you have experienced or are experiencing the same thing or similar, I hope so. I am still trying to find my genre. How does one do that I wonder. Someone, an author once told me, keep writing, don’t worry about your genre, if you keep writing you will find it naturally. Well, I am finally ready to do just that. Any suggestions are as always, welcomed. Have a safe holiday weekend.
Cathie Speaks Her Mind 