A new Chapter

Well, it is here. Once I go to bed this night, it will be the last day of my 50s. I will awaken a middle aged woman of 60. Why is this birthday effecting me so much? No other birthday has bothered me. Hell, when I turned fifty I had a big party and I looked great. Thin, good skin, strong legs and arms. No one believed I was actually turning 50 years old. Now, I am fat, graying hairs, saggy skin and must I admit, dentures. Ughhhh!!

I told my husband and friends I didn’t want a surprise party. I just wanted a damn party. If I am going to turn old, than dammit I am going to do it with fun and surrounded by great friends. That will be in a few days. Without these dear friends and my good husband, this could have been a very depressing, lonely time.

So, I am about to wake up as a sixty year old woman who quit her job a few weeks ago and is experiencing the new electronic age of applying for jobs. Its not too bad actually, just have to upload my resume. answer a few questions and hit enter. Done. That is until you get that scary phone call asking you to come in for an interview. You can have a great resume, but that doesn’t mean you will look as great once they see you in person. I am lucky in that my hair is just now beginning to gray. However, it is very dark now and that means it is about to really gray! I’m serious. Watch yourself. When you notice a hard, dark strand of hair, I guarantee you it will be white or gray the next day. I witnessed it myself.

So, back to this job hunting deal. I look down at my hands and yes, they tell  my age. Wrinkled, arthritic. So why do I having my nails done every couple weeks, it only draws people’s attention to my hands! What kind of job am I qualified for? Receptionist. But who the hell wants a receptionist that looks like your grandmother, even if she is attractive. (Except for the hands, belly, saggy knees, need I go on). Thank goodness for long skirts and slacks. Loose tops don’t hurt either.

OK. No more bashing myself. I ought to  be happy I have lived to reach my new chapter in life. Excited about what is around the corner. Its a whole new chapter with benefits. Think about it. No more competing with other women for attention from the guys. Or dressing better than the women across the office. No more worrying about how you look, (ok, not as much). But the truth is, if I accept this new year coming upon me very shortly, and I go with it, it could be fun. Of course it would be more enjoyable if I had a job to go to each day. Isn’t it funny how we complain about our jobs, and yet when we lose them, we wish we had one to go to? It’s really not about the job though; its about having the money I so dearly enjoy spending.

This new chapter is going to be one of learning new things; experiencing things I’ve always been afraid to. It can be as simple as learning the light rail. It sounds like a small thing, but if you are like me, you have only had to drive within 15 miles of your home in very light traffic. Now I am looking to expand my area. What better way than on the light rail. Its five minutes from my home. So I will begin by writing out steps I will need to take in order to meet this goal.

That’s it! I need goals for the coming year. I will start with short term goals and move up to long. They will be realistic. For example,  I am not going to strap myself to a cord that bounces 100ft or more toward the ground below. How do I know if the young guy or girl strapping me in didn’t break up with their significant other. Or is in a bad mood and distracted; one missed loop and I am not going to be worried about the next big birthday. OMG! That’s 70. I am closer to the grave than my mothers uterus. The time really does go faster as you get older.

It is important that I do set goals. Putting together a list these goals will give me assentive and I will be accountable to my readers, (lets just pretend there are some for now) to follow through with these set goals. Now I am getting excited. It always helps your disposition when you see the positive instead of negative.

The only disappointment I have is that I am still filled with fears, insecurities and some immature behaviors. Do other women suffer from these afflictions? I foolishly believed that by this time in my life, I would no longer be afraid or insecure. Of course when I was younger, in my twenties, I thought I would be dead by now. Sixty seemed so old. I am sure some of my friends and family expected I would be dead by now for different reasons, one being, my mouth. It tends to be unfiltered at times. Well, a lot of times truth be told.

So now I have something positive things to work on for the coming year. Or perhaps I could be really brave and set goals for the next five. Who knows, I may still be here. It doesn’t matter. Goals give a person a reason to get out of bed in the morning. They can also cause one to gain self-confidence and unselfishness. Today I will find time to sit down and write short and long term goals for myself.

Well, now I have to run to the dentist. Then I will spend my birthday hiding in my house all day because my dentures are being re-lined and I won’t be able to pick them up until late this afternoon. And just because I am now an old lady to young people, does not mean I am going to let them see me toothless!  Wow, look at me admitting to my blog readers I wear dentures. Now when I am well known and on the Ellen Degeneres show, the audience will be waiting for me to spit my dentures out when I talk. Can that be a goal? Spitting out my dentures on the Ellen Degeneres show in five years? Oh come on, if we are going to accept our older bodies, then at least lets have a sense of humor about it.

My husband will be home soon and I hate being on my blog when he is around, makes it difficult to concentrate, plus if he doesn’t know I am writing on my blog, he won’t remember I have one. Besides, I honestly don’t believe he even is interested in reading it, never mind remember I have one. It is nice to have something of my own. It is a place I share openly and honestly regarding my marriage and its challenges in hopes of getting other women to relate and share back about. We all have things about our husbands that we sometimes think we are alone in or shouldn’t talk about. I also don’t want to deal with him feeling attacked or picked on. (I wish you could hear me laughing all this stuff).

Now back to my original topic of my upcoming dreaded birthday tomorrow, Sept 5th, 2017. I am hoping to hear if I will be receiving unemployment benefits soon, which would make it a great birthday, or an “oh crap” birthday if I am denied. Great way to begin this next chapter, no teeth, no job, uncertain about whether I will have unemployment benefits and being alone on this special day. Well this is a positive, mature attitude, feeling sorry for myself over a day that isn’t even here yet! I guess we can only wait until the day arrives to see how this will all turn out. I can be pro-active and do tasks that will make me feel good about the day. Or if I prefer, cuddle up in my recliner and watch movies all day. One never knows until they wake up what is going to happen or how they will feel.

I need to learn how to add pictures to my blog. Brighten it up a little. I read other blogs and they have pictures of things they are blogging about. It makes you look more interesting and professional. One step at a time. First thing to do is committing to making more of an effort to be disciplined. No more being immature and doing it when I “feel like it.” Isn’t that how a child acts? Oh, there’s a goal!

Hubby just rode up on his motorcycle so it is time to take a break for now. Perhaps I will get back on after he goes to bed. It is so peaceful and wonderful to be up late when most people are in bed and its quiet. If it weren’t for the skunk infestation lately in our neighborhood, I would sit outdoors on my deck and journal.

Blog at you later my friends!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s