What is going on here. One day I have a job, the next, I find myself at home on a Friday without a job. And to top it off I am the one who resigned. Now tell me, who does this kind of thing when she is about to turn 60? What a way to bring in my 60th year.
I have two choices here, 1. I can be a victim and loll around in self pity and fear. Or 2. I can look at this as a risk I was willing to take and am ready for what is ahead. It is scary, but I am going to look at the positive, it is exciting as well. Here I am, the biggest worrier in the world, (my family and friends will confirm this), and yet I still took a risk and quit. There were several good reasons to resign but the main reason was that I felt I was being told in a passive aggressive manner, you can quit or we will fire you. I thought it was in my best interest to resign. Was it hurtful to be set up like this after seven and a half years of working at this place? Very. I didn’t even get a good bye from my boss. But I have seen this with previous employees so why was I going to be treated differently? But this is not about her or that workplace. I chose to stay as long as I did and I chose to resign when I did.
So where to go from here. I woke up and had some plans for the day, things needing to be done. After doing these I found myself doing something not planned, taking my dog to the dog park. I was happy I did it. I thought it would be a great opportunity to play fetch, then sit at the table and write on something for my blog. Guess what. I got absolutely no writing done what’s so ever. I did not think that there would be people there wanting to talk. I mean, wouldn’t they figure that out when they saw me sitting at the picnic table with pen in hand? But, there she was. A lady and her dog who felt I needed to hear what she thought of things. Like what was not being done in our park where we lived, or how things should be done instead, blah blah blah. I finally got away by looking around and then waving hello to an old couple walking on the other side of fence.
So once again I opened my notebook and began writing. It was not long however when I was interrupted again. I heard, “Well hello Maddie”, (my dogs name). How could I not acknowledge my neighbor? So there we were, my neighbor and a gentleman with his beautiful dog. But you know what? I didn’t mind. We were having a great conversation and I was able to start a good relationship with my neighbor. To top it off, the gentleman gave me sound advice and encouragement regarding me getting out there and looking for that right job. He said the 60s are the best years of my life. We have nothing but what is ahead. He shared how exciting this could be for me and truly believed if I walked through my fears and insecurities about someone hiring me, I would be fine. As we all got ready to head to our homes, I realized something, perhaps my Higher Power had sent me to the park so I would meet this gentleman and my HP could speak to me through him. After all, isn’t that how it works? God, whoever it may be to you, can use many ways to give us messages, including strangers at the dog park.
So, I finished filling out this job application for the State, got all the pages filled out, uploaded my references and somehow the page disappeared and when I got back in the position was closed! So I must have done something wrong. Someone is going to call me back. Maybe. Meanwhile I feel let down. So much time spent on this job application and it disappears. I knew this wouldn’t be an easy thing to do, applying, but still, I want this to be that moment when I get to say, I was in this situation and God put this perfect job in my lap. I hear stories like this all the time. Makes me want to throw up if the truth be told. I mean really, why would God work this in your life and not others? I don’t believe that stuff. Anyway, again I venture off the topic.
Job searching as a baby boomer sucks, lets face it. And all my friends, and even this gentleman at the park, who are encouraging me and telling me something will come up, or “God’s got this” all have one thing in common, jobs! They are all working. But they care about me and will continue to encourage me on this journey, including my husband.
I don’t know what will happen. To be honest I am scared. I am concerned about our financial situation. We have such a great credit score and truth be told, I have been enjoying having extra money to spend. Now I don’t know if I will have to stop getting my nails done. The one thing that makes me feel nice. I am trying to not go there. This is a good opportunity to learn trust. Trust in a higher power’s love for me. Of course others have faith and some have nothing! I don’t want to be those people. This is honesty. I like having a warm bed to sleep in. I love having my IPhone and IPAD. And I love having a home to live in. What I don’t want to experience is financial stress again. We have already been there. And that saying, God will never give you more than you can handle” is not my favorite. Be honest, do you really believe this? Because I don’t. Or maybe the real thing is, I don’t want to find out how much I can handle if it means losing the ability to get on line and buy things. Or go out for coffee at Starbucks.
So, right now all I can do is put one foot in front of the other. I have to believe if I do the foot work, put out the word I am looking, Higher Power will have my back and bring that wonderful, fun job in my path. I have to believe this or I will be miserable and make those around me miserable. I want to be that lady who can laugh and be positive in spite of what is going on. Today was a vacation day and I enjoyed it as such. I even got the milk instead of making my husband stop and get it. And he has a huge burrito waiting for him for his supper. This is a big deal. I don’t do these little things, I make him do them. He doesn’t mind so why not? So I bought him a burrito for supper and now he doesn’t have to cook when he gets home. And you can stop judging me as a horrible wife, he has always been the one to cook and stop at the store, makes him feel needed.
Well, what else is there to say except, here is to the next chapter in my life! I am going to embrace this as an adventure of new experiences. Just filling out that one long ass application has tired me out. It is time to watch America Has Talent and take a nap. All this excitement of starting a new path in my life exhausted me. It takes a lot of energy to stay optimistic all day. Especially when you are better at worrying about all the things that could go wrong.
That’s it! Here is an opportunity for emotional growth as well. I can grow through this experience. I can change my attitude from negative worrying Cathie, to positive optimistic Cathie. Like I heard once, I am becoming the woman I was meant to be! Now I really am exhausted. But a good exhausted. I will keep you posted as I walk this journey.
If you are a baby boomer and have an experience in this job situation, please share with me what worked or not worked out for you. I could use the encouragement. Perhaps we can walk through it together if you too are a baby boomer looking for work.